


kill our way to heaven;

by BoiledSweet



Series: city of nightmares [3]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: CDP gave us soft rocker boi, Secret Ending, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, after angst of course, and said no romance, cowards, everyone gets kind of happy, they kind of are, v goes berserk, you will see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:13:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29361570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoiledSweet/pseuds/BoiledSweet
Summary: Soulmate AU inspired by tumblr postYou two find yourself at the end.And you have to make a decision.Who will you take to hell with you and Johnny?
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand & V, Johnny Silverhand/V, Misty Olszewski & V, V/Viktor Vector
Series: city of nightmares [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2156463
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	kill our way to heaven;

**Author's Note:**

> it's kind of a soulmate au that takes place after the secret ending.  
> you can find me on tumblr @annaidzaszczyk (where i will hopefully write more)

You don’t move and neither does he. It’s strange really. After all this time, after every fight and argument, scream and laugh, curse and tear, you two find yourself at the end. 

And you have to make a decision. 

Who will you take to hell with you and Johnny? 

You are aware that there will be losses. The question is who will die? Your new friends that think of you as a family (and it scares you more than anything ever did) or Johnny’s just found lover (can you call Rogue that? You’re not sure even they know what’s between them). 

And it  _ hurts _ . It bloody hurts to know that someone will die for you.  _ Again _ . 

You feel the pills in the palm of your hand, dragging you down. You lean forward, your elbows on your knees and think of another way. There must be.

“Kinda tough deciding which of your friends get to die, isn't it?” he asks quietly. You don’t dare look up. Your vision swims with only a tilt of your head. “Good news is,” he takes a deep breath. “you got this one choom who’s already dead. And,” his voice is low, full of emotion you can’t name. “he’d be honoured to join you on a wild, suicide run.”

You raise your head slowly and meet his eyes. 

“Just you, me and Arasaka Tower. One last boom. The only thing between us and Mikoshi is the elevator. We will go fuckin’ supernova, V.” 

You should be furious. You should be screaming at him for even  _ thinking  _ that storming Arasaka Tower with no plan other than “let’s blaze ‘em” could make it. 

But you’re not. Maybe it’s because Johnny's personality merged with yours, or maybe the months spend with him changed your mind about terrorism. 

Or you’re just fucking  _ tired  _ of people dying for you. Of your friends sacrificing themselves for someone like you. 

“If I have to die,” you rasp, but your voice doesn’t shake. “it will be on my terms. Without anyone around, except blood and smoke.” you clench your fist and catch Johnny’s eyes; dark and burning. Ready to give his all. 

Just like yours. 

He stands up and stops before you, his steps sure and confident. “You finally let go, huh?” he reaches out to you, his arm covered in black ink. “Grab your iron - we have a city to burn''. 

You take it, the texture of his skin making yours seeth, and he hauls you up.

Everything blurs.

*******

Lights blind you only for a moment, not stopping your stride. First Arasaka agent turns to you when you pass the gates. He raises a hand to halt you.

“Time to party like it’s 2023,” Johnny muses on your left.

You take out your gun and fire it at his head. Blood splatters on the dark ground like a mark and gets on your cheek but you don’t care. 

Time slows down when four soldiers realize what you've done. Two run at you, two reach for their weapons. They are dead before the alarm roars, your gun empty.

“Careful. We are on their ground. We have to get to the elevator and quick,” Johnny advises, his silhouette leaning on a polished wall. You pass him, reloading your gun and see the metal, sliding doors. 

Something heavy drops behind you, the ground breaking under it, concrete and glass flying around. Without even thinking you cover behind a table. The metal of the submachine gun cold against your hand, rooting you here; alert and conscious.

Mech stands up on large legs and scans the room, a large Arasaka logo shining on its torso. You roll over when another firearm lands. You fire series after series while dodging rockets. Atrium turns to rubble when the last mech starts beeping and explodes from overheat. 

“Shit!” you turn to see Johnny next to the elevator. “It needs an access token.” you process the information and immediately go through your memory. Who had the authorization to every place in Arasaka? The Captain of the Guards. 

Time for a hunt.

Halfway through the first floor, you run out of bullets for the submachine gun. You pick up one from a dead guard and put it in your holder. 

The steel of your katana reflects the crimson light of the tower when you run down the corridors, looking for your prey. The guards fall one after another, their ranks in chaos. But not for long. You have little time. 

You almost flash a smile when you see the familiar armour.  _ There you are _ .

You slash through his companions, merciless and quick, getting closer to him. He says something through the communicator but you cut him off; his head hits the wall with a dull sound that rings through now dead halls. You search his body and pockets, soaked with blood and slaughter, and get the access card. You walk briskly toward the atrium and Johnny that waits next to the doors. 

Your heels drip with red, your feet wet and sticky. 

Yet you feel nothing. Only you and Johnny matter. You will live. Together, you will survive. 

“You ready?” he asks when you both come inside. You look him in the eye, dirty and wrecked. Alive. Breathing. And seething.

He doesn’t need your answer. His eyes reflect yours. You go to the Netrunner Operations Control.

“Sounds like a good place to run a megafacility from. Don’t expect a warm welcome, V''.

“I don't.” Your tone distant and cold. “If they don’t welcome me with fucking fireworks I will be disappointed”.

“Gonna be an ambush, no doubt. Just focus,” he watches you from behind the glasses. “You are better than them”. Pride colours his voice and you nod.

“We plug in Alt and let her turn everything to dust”.

The elevator stops and you prepare to cut open anyone who dares to stop you.

You pass corridor after corridor, the first pair dead before they saw you. 

“At eleven!” Johnny hisses and you hide behind the wall. Bullets hit concrete then stop. The soldier curses in Japanese and reloads. You round a corner and kick him at the shattered glass door. His body impales with a terrifying scream but you already lounge at a covering scientist. 

“Backup! Where’s our fucking  _ backup _ !” you hear a distant yell in a hall ahead. With your wrist, you wipe at your eyes that are covered in gore but realise it's pointless. Even your hair is soaked. 

You must look like a monster.  _ Good _ . ‘Cause they made one. 

You face another unit and manage them with the same efficiency as the others. They taught you that lesson. 

“What do you want?” one scientist begs, his face pink and wet from tears. He looks at you from under a table. “I-I can help you. Is it money? I know where it’s-”

“ _ Out of my way _ ”.

No survivors left behind. No witnesses. No mercy. 

His soul is another one you take as a payback. 

A large open space makes you stop. The air smells of detergent and hums with energy.

“Term,” he confirms your suspicions. “Think you can use it?”

“Hmpf,” you scoff. “Are you really doubting my skills now?” You raise an eyebrow at him and he smirks, bowing mockingly. 

“Never, Princess”.

You hack into their systems and localise the mainframe. Johnny observes you with an open confusion when something clicks in the centre of the room. 

“Done”.

“Ookay. And?” he asks and you are just about to flip him off because it’s  _ not  _ the time for a lecture, when you hear the next unit flank you. You curse and hide behind a desk. From a window you see a large computer sliding from under the ground. 

You hide when a round of bullets pierce through the wall. You locate a large man with a long machine gun resting on his hip. 

You roll out of the room, take out your gun and fire at him while sprinting to the mainframe. You pray the port is on the safe side. It is. 

“I hope your friend knows what she’s doin’.”

“Leave ‘em to her and jack in, V” he assures over the bullets flying next to you.

You see your reflection in the dark, smooth surface.

“Fry them all, Alt”.

You plug her in. And Hell opens its gates.

_ *** _

You knew this would happen, sooner or later. The confrontation between Johnny and his nemesis - Adam Smasher had to come. You just didn’t realise you would be alone against him when the time comes. 

Johnny’s scream is the only thing that alerts you before a half-man half-mech throws you through a door. You land with a painful groan a few feet away, the breath knocked out of you. You scramble to your feet when a metallic leg kicks you in the stomach. You hit a wall with a thud. Johnny yells something to you but the ringing in your ears prevents you from understanding. 

“Where’s Rogue? Where’s that old cunt? Did she chicken out like a coward she is? Or did she send you on a suicide mission?” A cruel, automatic voice nears you, and you cough painfully; your lungs feel like they’re filled with ash. “Don’t worry. I will hunt her down,” claws close around your skull and lift your limp body like you weigh nothing. “after I finish with you, worthless bitch. What are you but Silverhands shell?”

You look between his fingers and catch his eye. The eye of a machine. Alt made all Arasaka’s walls crumble. She opened wide doors to every implant and piece of technology inside this building. 

“ _A_ _mindkiller_ ,” you whisper viciously and _tear_ in. 

You savage though him like a plague, frying his implants and ripping him open. You look for a piece of his body that is still human and decide to make him wish he’s dead. 

His screams are music to your ears and you  _ delight  _ in them. 

He killed Johnny. He didn't let anyone bury him. It’s because of him that Johnny ended up in Mikoshi. It’s all his fault. 

You stand on the ground and watch as his body compulses, pieces fall off, burned. 

“Is this… pain?” Smasher asks in astonishment. As if he just realized he’s still human. 

You pick up your katana, a small dent on one side, and walk up to his kneeling form. 

You want to  _ draw _ his pain out. You want to bathe in his suffering.

But sadly you have no time. 

“Johnny Silverhand sends his regards” you slash through his neck, decapitating him. Something black and thick coats your sword, not blood. Even in death, he’s more machine than a person. You wipe it on your sleeve and look around for your gun. 

Someone grabs your arm. You look up. Johnny meets your gaze with a panicked expression; his eyes wide and full of worry. He’s panting when you turn to him.

“ _ Don’t _ … Just…” he struggles to find words and you don’t mask your shock. After all this time you never saw him in this state. He always had something to say, a way out (even if it often was “ _ improvise, V _ ”) or a jab at you. He never allows his emotions to show more than necessary. 

Finally, he seems to collect himself, lets go and shows you the large doors with a swing of his arm. “We need a pass. Smasher probably has it”.

You nod after a minute, your head pulsing painfully. You get the card and struggle to keep straight back. Leaning on your katana, you walk towards the corridor. 

You almost fall over when another coughing fit hits you. Your hands are already covered in blood so you can’t say how much worse it is. 

“We are almost there, V” Johnny stands before you. His eyebrows knitted together, face tight behind those stupid glasses. “Last few steps.  _ Come on _ ” last words you could mistake for a plea, have you not felt like shit.

Shakingly you walk to the door and pass them. You fall on the ground, hitting your knees with a gasp. Mikoshi. Finally. You made it. 

“C’mon, not much further to go” his voice urging you on, aware of the slipping time. 

Alt’s commands fill the room, but you can’t make a word she’s saying. It’s like your mind is getting further and further away, closing you off behind a wall of ice. 

Damn it, you feel so cold. 

You crawl on your hands toward Johnny’s silhouette, muscles giving up under your weight but you don’t stop. You’re so close. You two will be free. Free and alive. 

You stumble onto the Mikoshi and if you weren’t on the verge of death you would marvel at the construction. 

“Connect yourself. I will be waiting” Alts' voice sounds from afar.

You laugh weakly. “Don’t know how…” you cough. “but it worked, Johnny”.

You plug in and feel yourself fall backwards. Someone catches you gently and guides you toward the icy waters around Mikoshi. You want to beg them not to. You’re so chilly you don’t feel your legs. 

When water touches your body, you see the fog come out of your mouth but can’t hear yourself scream. You fidget, splashing around, but someone holds you tightly. Like they will never let you go.

“It’s alright, Princess. I will see you soon on the other side” Johnny’s voice calms you and you disappear in the darkness.

*******

The elevator is just as old as you remember. It cracks on the fifth and eighth floors, the doors don’t fully open and it stinks in here. 

You walk out on the last floor. On the stairs sits a small, thin cat and stares at you with its big, blue eyes. 

“ _ Bakaneko, a cat spirit. Brings misfortune,  _ ” Takemura’s voice echoes in your head. A memory that feels so distant and different. 

You pass it and after a few steps see another one. It meows at you and you pat it lightly on the head. 

The rooftop is tranquil. The rain that covers the city seems far away and unimportant. The wind that shatters the large outdoor screen with a Crystal Palace advertisement doesn’t concern you at all. You are safe here. 

You walk up to the two plastic chairs and a dirty table between them and sit down. You observe the city with unreigned admiration and melancholy. A City of Nightmares. A City of Dreams. 

After a minute you look to your right and let yourself drink up Jackie's features. His face is as big and soft as you remember. The corners of his mouth are turned up in a small smile, and his hair in a ponytail that his mother despises (“He looks like a chihuahua! Maybe a pink bow on top, huh?!  _ Santa Maria! _ ”). 

“Hey” you whisper after a moment, a strange fear taking over you. Please don’t disappear,  _ please don’t disappear _ .

“ _ Chica! _ ” he says as if not one day passed since you two saw each other. As if you didn’t hold his dying body in your arms. “Good to see you again. Missed me?”

You swallow your tears but can’t help a pained smile that creeps up. “Oh, Jackie. Of course, I did. Misty misses you too.”

He stands up and leans on the rail. “I know,  _ chica _ . I can feel her reaching up to me.”

You don’t follow him, too afraid to destroy this illusion of Jackie. “You can?” you rasp.

“ _ Si _ . If I could tell you how many times I tried to give a sign.” he shakes his head. “I want her to be happy. Even more so without me.” 

You sob quietly and move to stand. The world around you shimmers like diamonds and you want to scream. No, just a little while longer. Please, please, just a moment!

“We are running out of time,  _ chica _ ” he turns to you, his smile warms you from the inside and you fight the urge to just hug him and never let go. “It’ll be alright, V. You will see”.

You want to believe him. You want to go without turning back. 

But you fear it. The pain. The loneliness. The emptiness. When you lost Jackie you lost the world. You lost your home and heart. 

_ But now you found another home, haven’t you? _ , a strange voice suggests. 

You feel tears on your cheeks but don’t give a damn. You smile and place a hand on his shoulder.

“Goodbye, old friend. I will see you in the Afterlife.”

*******

“Johnny?” your voice echoes through the blue space, and the red silhouette turns to you. You see his face, the immortal glasses still there, and breath in relief. “I did it, Johnny. Despite it all I somehow did it.”

“Devised a solid plan and pulled it off.” he stops before you, a striking yellow line behind him. 

You roll your eyes. ‘A solid plan’?  _ Please _ . If someone dares to bring up how stupid and improvised this action was I will shave your beard.” you point at his chin and he laughs.

“That’s why it worked, Princess. It’s unpredictable and bold-”

“You mean daft.”

“Shut up. What’s important you wrecked Arasaka and saved us. That’s you, V. Well done” he smirks and you lean forward with a smug expression.

“What’s that? I didn’t quite catch that, Silverhand.”

He scoffs. “Then wash out your ears, you dumbass.”

He walks around you and disappears. Nearby you see a table with two seats materialize and make out Johnny’s boots on top. You sit in front of him and hit his ankles off.

He groans. “What, you my mother or somethin’?” 

“No, I would throw myself off a skyscraper if I had a brat like you.”

He pulls out a cigarette and you look around. 

“So… What do we do now?” 

“Haven’t caught on yet, have ya?” he watches you and leans back.

“What? What do you mean?” Fear crawls up your spine. If it all fails, you don’t know what you will do. You don’t dare hope that being here stops the death of your mind. 

Johnny recognizes your reaction and explains quickly. “Alt’s already split us.” 

You feel yourself straighten in your seat at his words. Johnny watches you and you do the same. 

You were connected for a month, feeling each other's emotions, sharing thoughts and body, seeing memories, and now that is just…  _ gone _ ? No pain, no breaking, no… nothing. You don't know what to think.

“Once you jacked into Mikoshi, she lit you up with Soulkiller.”

“So I’m dead now?” You drum your fingers on the table. 

“You were already half-dead. That was just a formality. Welcome to the club.” he opens his arms invitingly. 

You observe your hands that glow a dull red with fascination. Soulkiller. A year ago you would have supported the project, hell, your dream would have been being assigned to it. You were always fascinated with technology and the dark side of the Net. For you, every piece of it was perfect and endless with possibilities. 

Now? You were still captivated by the idea but infuriated with the execution. 

There was a time when no one mattered. No life, no innocent, no soul. You were focused on the greatness of Arasaka and its inventions more than anything else. 

But people you met changed your mind. First Jackie by drilling into you with his openness and warmth, making himself home in your heart. Then Misty and Viktor, through their own strange ways, wound themselves into a small corner. And finally, Johnny that literally blew your brains out and just settled there. Through blood, sweat and tears you remained at each other's side and walked through hell. 

“We really came a long way, huh?” you muse softly. He tries to respond when-

“I apologize for the delay” Alts voice seems so loud you startle slightly. An enormous silhouette of her looms over you two like a storm cloud. 

“Hey, Alt. I take it you took care of everything on the other side? We’re split. What’s next?”

Her head turns toward you and you have to remind yourself that she’s on your side. 

“I am currently verifying the checksum and eliminating engram copy errors in the process”.

“Wait. You mean... I am… Am I a construct?” You feel your non-existant-puls spike up.

“She means,” Johnny cuts in. “you followed in my footsteps. Next step’s to copy you into the gonk’s brain. Nothing to worry about, V” he places his feet back on the table, ignoring your glare.

“And what about Mikoshi? You still want to destroy it.” it's more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah, it's gotta burn” Johnny’s tone vicious and full of wrath.

“What about those that are still locked in there? You burn them too?” you ask and he raises his chin at you with a challenge. He knew it was bothering you for a while. 

“Since when do you care about others” he stabs but you don’t let him turn the knife.

“I care about those that had the same fate as you” you admit with confidence that seems to shut him up for once. You glare at each other, something colliding inside your chest.

“I will free them,” Alts' voice brings you back. “take them with me.”

“Yeah,  _ right _ ,” you sneer. “Don’t give me that  _ bullshit _ . You will just gobble them up, make them a part of you like some code.”

“As if they could hope for anything else. C’mon, V”

“Don't you dare-”

“ _ Do you know what it's like?! _ ” he interrupts you with a yell that shakes the world around you. “You’ve been a construct for what 5 minutes? You don't  _ fucking _ know what it's like! To be there alone in the darkness when decades go by and you have no idea!” he takes a deep breath and you shake all over. Rage swims somewhere deep inside you, waiting to be unleashed. 

That’s what Arasaka does. They take and take and  _ take _ . They are never satisfied. They always want  _ more _ . 

“That's the best option for them” he maintains and leans back again nonchalantly but you know you hit a sore spot. You stay silent for a while analyzing everything that happened over these last few weeks.

“So that's really it. We’re done. You kept your word.” For some reason saying these words hurt.

You remember the bitter laugh you gave him when he promised to help you get your body back. To keep you alive. To take care of you. 

Back then you wouldn't believe that manipulative, egotistical bastard could care for anyone. 

How wrong you were. 

“There is one aspect I failed to take into account.” Alts words are worse than that ice bath in Mikoshi.

Johnny looks up at her sharply. “Alt? What is it?” He takes off his glasses.

“During our last operation, I came across many confidential data. In 2025 Saburo Arasaka made an investment into a project called SS5. The project was an alpha version of his most ambitious plan - Second Life.”

You feel your face fall. You heard rumours, legends mostly about this. A secret plan for Saburo to live forever. As a machine. It was such a crazy idea at the time because Saburo Arasaka is already immortal. He can’t die. He’s the emperor.

Now? You aren’t even surprised.

“I have access to many data about objects in numerous facilities that took part in Second Life. But SS5 is the most important to us. As it conceals Silverhand’s body.”

You gasp silently and meet Johnny's eyes. He looks still as marble, only his hands are shaking slightly.

“Whaddaya mean, Alt? My body is gone, they dumped it in a junkyard.” 

“Correct. In 2025 Saburo Arasaka ordered 78 experimental droids that can be compatible with an engram. I assume he wanted to see if it can be possible to live as a 100% android with a human mind and full humanity intact. As we know with Adam Smasher’s case it was a hard gamble as the “machine” part ate away intuition and emotions in exchange for immortality and strength.”

You remember the dark liquid dripping from your katana as you slashed through Smasher. Maybe he was another experiment? Maybe that’s why Saburo let him walk around his son, to keep an eye on him. To see how much machine he will become in time. 

“So what? You’re telling me to get that body and… what exactly? Become the next Arasaka puppet?” Johnny snaps and throws his glasses on the table.

“Incorrect. Arasaka has no control over any of their facilities as of now. I can cut off that body from any external influence. It will be fully independent and there’s an 89% chance that it will work for up to 55 years as a functional shell.”

“So Johnny will live in an exact copy of his own body?”

“Yes”

“If they had it then why didn't Saburo or Yorinobu Arasaka just connect the engram with it?” 

“It was a highly confidential project so Yorinobu had no means of knowing of its existence. As of Saburo, I read through the details of Second Life. It was supposed to be continued. At some point in time, it would be so common that the prison sentence could be reformed. The criminals would serve a full sentence, for example, three hundred years. It is possible that he planned for Silverhand to be his first one.”

Johnny shook his head and covered his face with his hands, his arms shaking violently. You realize he’s laughing.

“That sick  _ son of a bitch _ ” he laughs cruelly. “He never really wanted anything good for anyone. He ruled our lives and reached his old, rusty hands for our deaths too.”

You don’t let him think about it more. “So there’s a chance for Johnny to live. That’s not bad news.” you raise an eyebrow at Alt. 

“The negative aspect of your split is oppressive and surprising. There were no previous cases like yours so I failed to recognize the danger.”

“‘Danger’?” Johnny murmurs, still in shock and disbelief. “What fuckin’ danger?”

“Upon further-”

“ _ Our  _ language, Alt,” he snaps and she nods slightly.

“In short, your minds have been intertwined for too long. It led to complications.”

Johnny clicks his tongue. “Yes, we know. That’s why you split us, remember?”. 

You know his light tone is a mask to hide panic that courses through you both. You thought that that was done. You were separated. You were  _ free _ . There’s  _ always  _ something, isn't there? 

“Currently you are split, correct. But that is your non-physical state.”

“ _ Alt _ …” Johnny warns, an edge clear in his voice.

“Separating you completely at his point is impossible and could negatively affect both of your personalities and bodies. It could even in V’s case begin the process of eating her away once again.” you shudder weakly at her emotionless voice. 

You will be dying. All over again. No. No,  _ please  _ no. Just let it end.

“What the  _ fuck  _ do you mean?!” he stands up and points a finger at Alt. “You promised us she will get her body back! Did you fucking lie?!”

“There-”

“Then why did you give us false hope?! She could-”

“Johnny,” you catch his arm and slowly lower it. You pray your eyes don’t show your distress. “Let her speak.”

He puffs and sits back down.

“There is a solution,” Alt continues as if no one said a word. “I can separate you and still keep you connected on an emotional and in some way psychological level. Some parts of your psyche will rely on each other. I cannot say at this point which parts and to what extent but you won’t be able to take over each other's body or communicate through thoughts. You will be also individual in opinions or skills, no longer merging into one.”

For a moment that last sentence hangs between you. And then you snap.

“Is that it?” you ask briskly and stand up. You can’t reign in the rage any longer. You have to move. 

Because something is coursing under your skin. Something dangerous. Desperate.  _ Fearless _ . If you can’t have Arasaka’s charity you will take their  _ heads _ .

“V-”

“Is that fucking it? Johnny and I can live and not hurt each other, you say there’s his body  _ somewhere  _ in Arasaka’s facilities and you say  _ this  _ is a fucking problem?! That's  _ nothing _ !” you shout. “Alt, how do I get out of here so we can get to-”

“V, goddammit, can you listen for a second-”

“Don’t stand in my way, Johnny. I will go and you will wait for me here” You walk around him and closer to the red woman. “How do we get the body back? Where is it? And how do I get it to work?”.

“I see the connection is not a concern” she absorbs the information quickly. “The location will be sent onto your telephone. I advise contacting a few companions for the task as the body is kept under Saburo Arasaka’s private villa in Kyoto, Japan. Once there I will contact you and guide through the reanimation.”

You nod, your head clear and focused on one goal. Alt gestures toward a blue bathtub that looks like the one The Voodoo Boys made you dip in. 

“So what?” Johnny sneers behind you. “Another suicide mission for you to die in? And for what, hmm?”

“ _ Stop _ . Just stop.”

You try to walk when he materializes before you and pushes you roughly.

“You’re gonna throw your life away now? Just after you got it back? I thought you said you didn’t want any more glory.”

“Johnny,  _ shut up _ , will you? Let me save you!”.

“So that’s what I am to you? Another try to become a  _ hero  _ and pay back for all your fucking sins?” he punches where it hurts most. And he knows how much it hurts. He knows you best. “Guess what, sweetheart, I don’t want some martyr sacrificing herself just because she has some guilt about her dead friends.”

“I don’t do it because of Jackie! I do it because of you, you idiot!” he takes a step back as if you struck him. You take a breath to calm your thoughts. “It is my decision. Let me make it.”

You pass him and walk toward the tub when Johnny turns you around. You are ready to push him away when you see his expression. He looks so lost, frustrated and…  _ scared _ . Johnny Silverhand, who stormed the Arasaka Tower  _ twice  _ and faced Adam Smasher more than that, watched you with  _ dread _ .

“V, I’m…,” he starts weakly, hesitating. “I’m just scared for ya.” he avoids your eyes and you see his silver hand clenching.

You smile at him and raise your hand, a silent offer. He watches it for a minute unsure, when finally he takes it, your hands almost melting into one. His fingers latch onto yours tightly and your grip hovers between you like a link. The stupid tattoo “Johnny + V” becomes a promise that the two of you give each other.

“I will see you around, Johnny. I will save you.” you make an oath to yourself and try to let go but his hand grips you. He brings you closer, his lips pressed together and eyebrows knitted together.

You stiffen when he embraces you. It's a rough, desperate hug that makes your head spin and chest heave. You swallow thickly and slowly place your hands on his back. You feel your eyes water and try to hide your face in the crook of his neck. In this place, you don’t have a smell but you’re sure he reeks of cigarettes.

You chant like a prayer in your head “wait for me, wait for me,  _ wait for me _ .”

Reluctantly you take a step back and with a smile go towards the tub. You dip, feeling the ice on your skin and see Johnny hovering over you. You pull under.

*******

You wake up in deafening silence, that ratters your bones. For a moment you wait for a snarky voice that mocks your hair or how you toss like an infant in your sleep. 

There’s nothing. And you can’t stop the crushing  _ ache  _ that stops your breath. 

It’s been two days. It’s been an eternity. 

After you crawled out of Arasaka Tower, your body still in shock, you plunged through Afterlives doors, landing in Rogue’s arms. Apparently, Alt warned her that you will be visiting. She forgot to mention your state but that doesn’t matter. 

What matters is that Rogue will help you. For the past twelve hours, she’s been contacting her mercs, pulling on strings and asking for a few debts. You lost count of how many people were assembling outside. Only a few for Johnny, the rest only for cash. 

You close your eyes. You feel emotionless and hollow; like you’re dying. 

Something scratches on your mind like there’s someone there. So close but so far away. 

You don’t let yourself discourse. You are not sure if you break someone will be able to get you back together.

You realized something over the past forty-hours; pain and emptiness can be turned into rage. Rage makes you forget. Rage makes you focused. Rage makes you  _ heartless _ .

Rage makes you wipe out a whole pluton of soldiers in Saburo Arasaka’s house. 

You stand in the living room, covered in blood and smoke, scanning the area. Dog tags are clicking on your chest, counting seconds. Just after crossing the border, you commanded that your first goal is getting to Kyoto. Rogue tried to be patient with you, you saw how much she struggled but she still made an effort to give you a wide berth. She was there when you woke up for the first time and started wrecking her room in panic, searching for Johnny, afraid it was too late. She rocked with you back and forth and counted softly in your ear, calming you. 

Now she lost all her tolerance. After you did everything you could to keep the others away (including breaking their noses or frying their implants) she reminded you that she was there for Johnny as much as you were. That she suffered from his loss for far longer than you have. 

You didn’t feel a thing when her composure wavered a little at the memory. If not for Alt you would have left the Night City on the same day you cut through the Tower. 

You’ve seen the stares of other mercs, or even Rogue herself. In the beginning, they tried to ask you questions about the infamous assault on the Arasaka Tower. Now they all avoid you. You’ve noticed their fascination at first, then unease and alarm whenever you come into a room. They fear what you did. They dread your calm over a hundred dead souls you took.

They don’t understand. 

“There’s an entrance to the lower levels” Rogue’s husky voice says behind you. You sense her stare on your back, watching you like a hawk. She acts like you’re a bomb ready to go off in any minute. Sometimes you want to. 

“So your informator was right,” someone agrees. “The boys are already making us a diversion in town. They think we’re some low Dorobō’s “ he laughs. “If they only knew what we’re  _ really  _ after. The emperor’s vaults are just below our feet.”

You roll your eyes at his naivete. As if Rogue would plan an attack on this scale for some money. And the lack of any safety net was just a coincidence. 

_ Fools _ . 

_ But you need them _ , you remember Alt’s response to your outrage yesterday. You didn’t want to waste more time than necessary but Alt gave you no choice. Either you go with Rogue, or she won’t send you the location. 

You pass the large portraits of the Arasaka family and some decorative samurai armours standing around the room. Your hand lands on the wall and you can detect the energy humming under your fingers. You drive through the system like it’s nothing and open the doors. With a hiss, a well-lit corridor shows before you. 

Rogue comes to stand next to you and nods. 

“Good. Hawke!” she turns to the man behind you. “Get the rest and go to the vault. V and I will check the other rooms.” her command is reality when a few muscular men walk past you, you see them slow their steps cautiously, and after a minute they disappear down the hall. 

Rogue takes out her gun and points at the entrance. “After you’.

You bolt like someone released their hold on you. You hear Rogues chasing you but don’t slow down. You rush through white labs and dark offices packed with information that could change this world. And you  _ don’t care _ .

You kick open another door and stop when met with a narrow staircase. 

This way.

You dash down the stairs, your legs still not fully recovered from a few days ago. Or was it a week? 

Your breath comes ragged and harsh when you stand before an icy, steel pair of doors. They are made to last decades and wars. 

Alt opens them for you like they are made from paper. And you take a step inside the brightly lit room. No, not room. A graveyard. 

Tens of capsules reach the far wall that you can hardly see from the entrance. And inside hover bodies. No,  _ shells _ . 

Young and old, male and female. Closed and kept as heirlooms.

How many people did Saburo want to revive? Since when did he plan to?

Your steps echo in a wide room when you search for him. He has to be here. Alt promised. The guard you interrogated confirmed after you gouged his eyes out with your nails. 

So where is he? 

The panic that you kept under a bunch of locks starts to fill you up and your steps speed up to a run. You pass the foreign faces, looking, searching for him.

Where is he? No, no, I’m not late. He’s there somewhere.  _ I can still _ -

You find him. You stop so abruptly you almost fall. You see his body hovering in thick, blue liquid. He looks just like you remember. 

You slam the button on the back and lunge at the glass. The capsule drains but it's too slow. You growl and punch.

Once.  _ Twice _ .

The glass breaks and spills the blue fluid onto the snow-white floor. You catch his heavy, cold body and let it drag you down. Your hand flies to his hair when you cradle him delicately on your lap. The tattoos, the hair, the damn silver hand, the small scar on his face, all of it the same. Even his skin seems real under your fingers.

Your breath is shallow and your lips bleed from your teeth. You are glad your hand is sure when it gets the biochip from your pocket. It’s so small and enormous at the same time.

Slowly you insert it into the androids port. For a moment nothing happens and you tighten your grip around his shoulders, leaning over him as if you are protecting him from anything that dares to come. 

When he wakes up the emotions strike you, making you sway slightly. The wall inside your mind shatters and thousands of emotions slip through the crack. You didn't know how  _ abandoned  _ your heart and mind were until they were full. Of distress, doubt, anger, sadness.

Happiness.  _ Relief _ .

You see when the awareness of his body, sound and touch hit him like a tide. He jolts violently and you have to hold him down so he does not hurt himself. The Android frame is heavier and stronger than yours.

“ _ Johnny _ ,” you whisper, your voice thick with emotion. He opens his eyes with fright and clutches his chest as if searching for a beating heart. “It’s alright, Johnny.” you grab his hand and press down, warming his fingers. “I’m here. You’re alright.  _ You are alive _ ” the last words you force with a sob. 

He tries to say something, gapes his mouth, but no sound comes. You bring your hand to his cheek and smile gently.

“Don’t worry. Alt told me it would take a while for the body and your brain to get in sync”.

Some of his panic disappears and he takes a few deep breaths. He watches you, eyes roaming over your face and you feel his concern and frustration. 

“ _ I _ am looking good. You? Not so much, rockerboy” you laugh faintly and he rolls his eyes.

He raises his arm shakingly and rests it on your face. You close your eyes and lean tenderly on it. For a moment you two relish in the ability to feel each other's touch. 

“I will take care of you, Johnny.” 

*******

Kerry’s laugh wakes you from your pondering. You look at the commotion near the table of the bar and rotate your glass smoothly.

Denny, Kerry and Henry sit around Johnny and bicker. At one point Denny pulled out her machine gun cursing her ex-lover but Kerry calmed her, putting away her bottle. Rogue is absent, she has kept mostly to herself after Johnny went to her a few days ago. You tried to stop him, saying he was still too weak, but of course, he wouldn't listen to you. Prick.

You take a drink and catch Johnny’s gaze. He watches you with a sort of strange tightness in his chest. 

After you resurrected him, a link formed between you. It was not like before; uncomfortable and uncontrolled interfusing that made your skin crawl. 

It was different. You could feel each other; not only emotions but the distance too. It didn't matter if you were in Southern Badlands and he the Northside of Watson - you sensed him as if he breathed down your neck. You could block his emotions (which you tried already) but you noticed that you didn't even want to. Knowing that someone... that  _ he _ was there on the other side was comforting. Reassuring.

And you were aware that he had the same thoughts. In the first few days after he woke up, you could not intercept his emotions. It was like having a thin strand connecting you and being bloody certain he’s there but not being able to see his face. 

You will never tell him how much it hurt. For these first few days after you got him back to life, you were  _ aching  _ inside. It was the same sort of hollowness when you got back from Mikoshi. It made you sick just thinking about it. 

You would jump from bed cold with sweat and checking your body, having this constant  _ terror  _ that you lost something. You would touch every centimetre of your skin ready to find a missing limb. It was horrifying, it was painful. 

Five days later you woke up and there he was. You felt his grumpiness and irritation and when you swung by Rogue’s he was fighting with a ripperdoc that the Queen of Afterlife ordered him to meet. 

Rogue noticed of course. That something was amiss with Johnny. He became more closed off than she remembered. He wouldn’t let her in anymore and that’s probably why they decided to stay friends. 

You knew. You saw how he would touch his arms, trying to feel something. The doubt and even hate towards his own body. He became more a machine that Smasher was and it ate him from the inside. 

That’s why when he got the cut on his ribs it made him collapse at the concert with shock. You were with the Aldecaldos, getting a shipment when the guard snuck up on you and struck you with a blade. He missed your guts but grazed the abdomen. It didn’t even need stitches but he still called you, concern bleeding through the speaker. 

That’s when you realized you were more connected than Alt suspected. 

Every injury, however small or insignificant, showed on both of you. It arose a question if one dies what of the other? When he cut his fingers on guitar strings, yours bled as if someone used a knife. When Viktor punched you a little too hard in the arm, he tripped on stairs and fell down, injuring you both more. Your lives were more intertwined than any of you suspected. You were his connection to the human, mortal side. And he was your fire that kept you from cold.

You couldn’t avoid each other even if you wanted. 

Johnny’s gaze is burning even behind the glasses that Kerry bought him. Whenever you move his eyes go straight to your form. He rarely lets you out of his sight when you are in the same space. It’s like he has to assure himself you’re truly here. Not dying, not flickering away. 

Without taking his eyes off you he taps two fingers on the glass, his rings clicking lightly. You scoff.  _ Now  _ he wants your help? You smirk and take a big swig. He owes you now big time. 

With a thud, you leave your glass and make your way towards the reunited Samurai.

Kerry notices you first. “V!” he opens his arms to embrace you but you smack them away. He laughs only, unabashed and lets you sit next to him. Henry doesn’t look you in the eye and Denny winks at you. “Our hero! Now where’s the princess, huh?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows and you can’t help but smile. “You shattered single- _ fucking _ -handedly an Arasaka empire! And you were not drunk! Even our favourite terrorist didn't do such a thing sober” he points at Johnny with his bottle and you hum.

“Not everyone can be as good as I am,” you smirk and Denny laughs swaying on her stool. 

“It looks like it” Kerry smiles at you tenderly and you remember how he came a week ago to your apartment, drunk and weeping like a baby. He shouted on your doorstep how much he loves you and will always treasure you as a family.  _ Then  _ he vomited on your shoes. And napped in your shower. 

You clear your throat and stand up. “As much as I would like to get smashed with you and possibly do something fun at 5 a.m., we have to go.” you don't look at Johnny that already grabs his jacket. 

“Whaaaat?!” Denny wakes up and tries to take a hold of you but almost falls over. “But we just got back together!” she whines and Henry shifts in his seat.

“I want to get out of NC today and find some motel. I want to sleep in a bed,  _ not  _ the back seat of his rust bucket.” you point at Johnny and he gasps offended.

“As if your shitty four-wheel is better. When was the last time it drove past 30 mph?”

“One more word about my car and you will be  _ running  _ behind me”. you warn and Kerry snickers. He takes both you and Johnny in his arms and crushes you in a hug. You try not to push him away instead rolling your eyes. 

“I will hear from you soon, alright? If you don’t call me every now and then I  _ will  _ find you with Rogue,” he promises and Johnny groans. 

“Since when are you such a babysitter, Ker”.

“Since it seems like you need one, Silverhand” he retorts and clasps your back. “Come visit us soon.”

You nod and try to get out as fast as you can. Too much vulnerability around makes your head tingle. 

You hear Johnny saying goodbye to Denny and Henry and walk out. You already visited Misty and Vik; the girl read your cards but you didn’t want to know what the future has. Viktor wanted to spar a little to “check” you but you didn’t comment on his lingering eyes on your face. You kept his gloves in your bag and promised to practise when you stop on the way.

Mama Welles was not so in peace with your decision. You couldn't ignore her frightened state when you told her. First came anger and denial; in half a year she will lose two children. But you were undeterred. When she realized you were not asking but telling, she became sad and overcame with powerlessness. You tried to comfort her but she wouldn’t listen. Later Misty called you, ensuring you that she will come around. She just needs time.

You slide into Johnny’s car and turn it on, drumming your fingers on the wheel. When he finally sits beside you you ride out from the parking lot. 

***

The wind is playing with your hair, drowning out the radio. Nibbles sits on your lap when you drive and purrs softly. The road is clear when you pass the Badlands and its dry desert. Johnny gave you his glasses so the bright sun doesn’t bother you. He sits beside you, his elbow resting on the window, hand outside feeling the wind on his skin. 

Panam and Saul made sure you had the best time with the Aldecaldos. Immediately after getting out of the car you were swept by Mitch and Saul that almost carried you to the table. There was music, dancin', food and alcohol of course. At the end of the night, you were sure you were going to burst. The new location was finally a good one, both for work and living. And for the first time, Panam and Saul were not arguing about it. 

Johnny was mostly beside you or at the corner, giving you and your friends space. He ignored Panam’s glare that could kill a guy. She held him responsible for your still weakened state. Vik wasn't sure when or if you will ever physically recover completely and she blamed Johnny. 

You once again rejected her proposition. After Johnny woke up and started to get better with his new body you came to Saul and lived with the Aldecaldos for a month. It was the closest thing to having a family since Jackie. The warmth, the understanding, the belonging. 

But you felt incomplete. You sensed constant presence somewhere far away and it pulled you towards it. 

And you knew he felt the same. The day you told Panam you had to go, he was already at your apartment, waiting. You didn’t need to talk. You both understood what you needed. Each other. 

“I still can’t believe your trash on wheels doesn’t have AC” you scoff, waving your shirt that sticks to your chest, the heat unbearable. 

“Shut up and drive, dumbass. You will never have a better vehicle under your palms. What you kids buy nowadays is-”

“Sure,  _ grandpa _ .” you cut him off and smirk when he sends a wave of irritation through the link.

The route is pleasant. You stop at a station, Johnny complains about the coffee and its taste, which turns into a full-on argument about corruption and government. You two bicker, even splash each other with a pitchy drink, and drive on.

You stop at another motel, this one slightly cleaner than the previous one. It doesn't reek of piss for one. And the owner has both hands and legs. That’s something. 

You sit on the rooftop, drinking a beer when Johnny sits beside you. You both stare at the stars blinking above, more visible than near the NC. 

You go back to the time when you were running from Arasaka, how you collapsed outside the motel room, your vision and body betraying you for the first time. 

How he tried to open up to you and you slammed the doors in his face, laughing cruelly. You couldn't believe him back then. You saw him as an egocentric, manipulative terrorist that didn't care for anyone except himself. 

How far you’ve come. 

“Do you know where you are going now?” he asks quietly, going back to that piece of yourself you gave to him. You turn to him and nod, sure and unafraid of the future for once. Because you are not alone.

“Yeah. I think I do”.


End file.
